Just whipatit…
Oh my god...
It wasn't until I started to share my experiences from work with my friends and family that one had recommended, "You should write this stuff down!!!!"
I'm not quite sure that I'm ready for any book deals, but I think this will be an easy way to share a few things with a few people and hopefully get a chuckle or two...!
I was just coming off of the longest stretch of work I have ever worked. Many of you know, but for those that don't, I work a a 3rd shift emergency vet from 5pm to the following morning 8a. Since we work 15 hour shifts, we only have to put in 10-13 shifts per month. In this particular stretch, I had worked 24 of 31 days which is roughly 95 hours per week for a month. GEH....
I was looking forward to getting off of work on sunday night, and at the last minute my manager had requested "we don't have anyone to fill monday, would you work it?" Well shit, why not. So as monday night rolls around, I was delirious and DONE working.
We get a phone call that this 8 month old dog MIGHT have gotten into a life threatening dose of some immunosuppressants 3-4 days prior. (Don't worry the dog is fine, its not the point of this particular story, but it is the cause).
Once the dog presented to the clinic it was accompanied by the owner, which a late 20's woman who at that time I wasn't ashamed to say was easy on the eye. The woman brought her 6 month old child, and her mother that was in her late 50s and a bit more simple.
We start going through the initial consultation, recommendations from animal poison control, and potential long term complications. I excuse myself to get some paper work together and inform the staff that we will be running some blood work and starting the animal on some IV fluids and such.
I came back to the exam room to continue my consultation. Now, we're probably in a 10x10 foot room and I'm leaning against the exam table and probably 6 feet way from the owner, her mother, and her child who is starting to fuss.
I am in the process of discussing some rather serious topics and complications, and the child is really starting to act up. So OUT it comes a tittie, just RIGHT in the middle of EVERYTHING! Just a HUGE floppy, fat TIT! And the lady just starts to JAM it into the face of the kid trying to get him to LATCH the hell on! And the kid is fussing with it and not "taking to the teet" and just pushing this tittie around and the girl is just holding her tit pushing it all over the place and its just.... FLOPPING... around.
Picture it. Me. ME! In a room with these two grown people, both women, a baby. And the lady just whips out a got'damn tittie and starts fumbling around with it in the middle of EVERYTHING!!!
I mean... I was delirious at this point from working that long, and then there is just a woman attempting to breast feed RIGHT in the middle of my consultation regarding her dog who might have a seriously complicated intoxication.
I held an absolute professional composure, and did not skip a beat with my consultation... but in my head, "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OOOOOOHHHH MMMMYYYYYYY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!"
Ya know, fine, thats okay. Breast feed, its natural, whatever, okay, fine. It's nice that you're comfortable with your body and such. But why not cover it with a scarf? or a shall? or a coat? or a fucking napkin? or I dont know... maybe go outside.
So I got through that part, I left the consultation room and was waiting for the blood work while catching up on some paper work. Once it was ready, I had the staff put the owners back into a room for results of the blood work.
Now... when I go over blood work results with owners, I spread them out on the examination table to help owners get a visual understanding of the findings.
So, as you would imagine, the only thing that now separates me, the two women, the child and the breast is an 18 inch wide table. But OH, hey, I thought for sure after 15 minutes that kid would be done filling its gullet.
OOOOOHHHHHHH no, what the hell was I thinking? He was still latched the hell on.
So now, I'm standing at 6 foot tall, over a 4'5" woman with a tittie hanging out a kid latched the hell on, and now I have to look down to show the blood work to these women..
Well.... it would have been TOO easy to just show the blood work and get the hell outta there. But they were a VERY inquisitive bunch... and that consult was DRAAAAAAAGED out way longer than it should have been. Meanwhile there is just a floppy tittie, this kids face, a half of a nipple and TONS of questions.
So.. after I got through that... I was done, mentally. I put in my time for the remainder of the shift, went home, and slept for three days.
After telling the story to a co-worker, who, herself had just gotten through the first year of her child's life commented to me, "Well its not illegal."
Thank you.
